


The Lights on The Barn

by Thewriter680



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: F/M, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 21:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30011271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewriter680/pseuds/Thewriter680
Summary: 'I survived because the fire inside me, burned brighter than the fire around me'Violet Baudelaire comes to terms with what happened to her on her wedding night
Relationships: Violet Baudelaire/Count Olaf, Violet Baudelaire/Quigley Quagmire
Kudos: 9





	1. The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Triaged warning: mentions of rape; blood; distress  
> Please don't read if you're easily upset by these topics
> 
> ~Please like and comment if you enjoy the story-~

In no way was this the same as it was the first time 

The itchy dress, the caked stage make up. The looming fear of her baby sister hanging from a rusty cage if she did not comply.

Today was warm within the courthouse. She wore a dress that was much more comfortable and basic. She wore very little make up. And Sunny, stood by her during the vows. Along with their adopted sister Beatrice, who stood on Violet's other side. It wasn't a huge production. It was their siblings in attendance. Outside of their apartments beneath the lights of the barn. And with a quick sign, she was legally married this time. By her own choice. 

Then why was she so afraid? 

Violet came out of her thoughts when her new husband took her hand. She gave a forced smile.

"Are you OK?"

Violet nodded slowly, keeping her smile on her face. No, she wasn't OK. She squeezed his hand as he didn't seem to believe her, nodding a little more. "Yes, I am. Just tired is all."

It wasn't the fact he didn't want to marry Quigley. On the contrary, she brought it up to him that she wanted to. Though being here and actually going through with it... it brought out memories she was trying hard to repress.

++++++++++++++++

It was after her failed attempt at rescuing Sunny. 

She felt the pulsating from her shoulder from the harpoon gun. Had she known what was bound to happen, she would've fought back a little harder.

It wasn't until they passed her room and realized they were walking to his did she feel panic. She tried pulling away which only made his grip tighter. Silently she plead to be let go, fearful tears beginning to flow on their own. 

She was making silly, childish promises that only further showed her age. Clean the floors by hand, chop wood until her blisters popped. She promised she would stay in her room all night so long as she didn't go into his room. 

He merely laughed in such a way that Violet has never heard it repeated. It ran through her veins in cold, unadulterated fear. It was a laugh that was heard before an animal attacks it prey. Before death. Her attempts at digging her heels were met with her arm being twisted behind her. She let out a cry of pain as she was shoved into the dark room. 

+++++++++++++++++

She was unaware of how she was perceived by the world then. She barley turned 14, though looked like she could pass for 17. Because she was tall, because she developed a tad quicker the summer before, and had features that if seen in correct lighting, she could pass to grown men as a woman. It would be apparent how young she was when she was spoken to. The naivety her eyes held despite the mature face. Her sweet demeanor and blushing as a man tried to talk to her.

It didn't help that her parents sheltered her from a seedy world that was forced onto her after they died. She spent the first 14 years of her life protected. And for awhile, she hated them. Hated them for not preparing her for how bad the world could really be. Hated them for not telling her that being smart wasn't enough. Hated them for making her a surrogate mother and putting her teenage hood on hold so that her siblings would not be hurt like she was. Who could have a chance at some sort of normalcy after the unfortunate events have passed.

She especially hated them for having to learn how ugly men could be firsthand.

++++++++++++++++

It hurt so bad.

She heard from the older girls in the school bathrooms that it did hurt the first time. And her, being so naive, didn't understand why. Again, being so protected at that time, her mother never told her how it could. She did ask her mother about that. But she was met with 'that's not an appropriate conversation older girls should be having with you.'

She was sitting on the bathroom floor as she tried to calm herself. The stinging, burning pain that overtook her intimate parts made her nauseous. Her nightgown was ripped and stained with sweat. Shaking, she kept her eyes tightly closed as she couldn't bear to see the blood. She knew it was there. She felt it flow between her legs. She couldn't stop crying; her body was quacking with pain and fear. 

The tears stun her eyes and the salt landed on her tongue. She tried pulling herself together, pulling her hair back and combing it out the best she could. She couldn't walk into the room where her sleeping brother was like this. He couldn't learn so quickly like she did that people could hurt someone like this. Not yet.

She held her hand over her belly button, her body shaking as she tried to stay quiet. Violet didn't want to give Olaf the satisfaction of knowing how bad he hurt her. 

+++++++++++++++++

Violet was out of her thoughts again as she felt her baby sisters hands take hers. Not quite a baby now, but she will always be in her eyes. She was a surrogate mother to Sunny; Violet can even go as far to say that she was Sunny's mother. Sunny didn't remember their parents when asked. 

She watched as Sunny looked at her ring more closely, admiring the shine and beauty that was a Quagmire sapphire.

Violet made sure Sunny wasn't naive like she was at her age. While she remembered some events, the majority was blocked because of how young she was. So she had to be taught. She taught Sunny that just because you looked grown up, it didn't give actual grown men the right to talk to you a certain way. She taught her you needed to be smart and have common sense. She especially taught her that men can be ugly and didn't want her to learn the way she did. Firsthand.

She wanted her to know. 

She smiled at her sister, moving her hand to cup her cheek gently. Sunny will never know how it feels to be used like that as a child.

Violet looked down as her marriage license was given to her. She touched her husbands signature, looking over as he spoke to his brother. She smiled to herself, Sunny standing. “Time to eat! Follow me to Violet and Quigley’s house.” She announced.


	2. The Second Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet Baudelaire comes to terms with what happened to her on her wedding night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Let me know if you enjoyed the story~

It wasn't until they were back at their apartment did it really hit her.

Their blended family all cooked dinner together. Spaghetti noodles with various sauces; red wine with vegetable; a basic red sauce; and white with cheese and garlic. Bread with butter. They sat together as one around the table as they spoke about childhood stories and what the future holds. Wine for the over 21 year olds and apple cider for the little ones. Sunny shared her newest cheesecake treat with everyone in lieu of a wedding cake. Fudge and strawberry drizzle. When their families left and they were left alone did she realize what was to happen now.

Her and Quigley lived together for a year already. In this tiny, cheap apartment. She knew between her and her new husband, they had more than enough money to never have to work again. She knew they could move into a beautiful home and live comfortably. 

They didn't want that. Violet worked at a small repair shop and Quigley worked at a library. They liked the mundane, everyday work week and spend their weekends with their family. Their families lived so close together that Sunny and little Beatrice could freely go between each home as they pleased

With their wages, they could afford this small two bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment. And for now, this was enough for them. She especially loved the barn outside that held up lovely lights outside of their bedroom. When she couldn't sleep, she would stare at them. Sometimes little moths flew around the light and the occasional woot of an owl would comfort her. It especially helped on the nights that her nightmares played in front of her eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The taste of sea salt hit her tongue as the cries of baby Beatrice hit her ears. The sound of Klaus yelling to cover their noses. She watched as Sunny gripped onto her older brother before....

The serenity of the gentle breeze and the lights twinkling reminded her of where they all were now 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Violet would stop anything from going past heavy kissing. At least once a month, she made up an excuse to stop anything past that. It was Christmas when she told him she was sick from dinner when she felt his hands move down her hips. On his last birthday when he was sucking on her pulse point, she told him that she had a headache. Last month on a Wednesday she told him she was on her cycle when his hand went down her pants.

And he stopped. Because she knew he wouldn't hurt her. He respected her and her body.

There was one time when she let the kissing get past her control point and he started to get more handsy. She suddenly pulled away from him and screamed at him when he gripped her hips. Violet felt guilty and knew he felt bad for making her upset. It was a full three months before he would do anything past holding her hand.

It wasn't his fault. He just wanted to love her physically. He didn't know what happened to her all those years ago.

She was sitting in the living room as she heard the clacking of plates being cleaned. Violet could feel her body shake, knowing they were the only two here now. She stood up and walked past the kitchen to their room to wash up.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The water wasn't warm so she had to clean her sensitive areas with ice, cold water. This only led to the pain ripping her psyche even more. Her hands shook as she kept ringing out the rag. 

Pink water squeezed out. 

She avoided looking at herself in the mirror. Afraid to see how broken she was. Afraid to not recognize herself and see what he created. She finally stopped when the water was clear. Though she still felt dirty. No amount of water and soap could make her feel truly clean. She felt like she was carrying a bowling ball between her legs. She kept her grip to the wall as she made her way back to their room. She was grateful to see that Klaus was fast asleep. He was sitting in a chair, a light in one hand and a book laying on the ground. He read about marriage laws. Hopefully he found some useful information.

She looked down at the rips of her nightgown, limping over to the cardboard box that held their few outfits. She changed into a new nightgown, throwing away the tainted one. She winced as electric shocks ran up her pelvis, going to lay down slowly in the dusty bed. She faced the wall if she started to cry again; she didn't want Klaus to wake up in the middle of the night and see her like that.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She was sitting on their bed in a nightgown when he came into the room. Her hair was held back with a hair tie as she thought about a recent code issue at work. The barn lights twinkled against the walls 

It didn't fall past her that it was her wedding night. She should be in sexy lingerie and focus on her new husband. Not be sitting in an oversized nightgown and sketching out blueprints. She could see from the corner of her eye as he flipped through mail, coming to sit beside her. She felt her breath held in her throat, hoping to stall for a little longer. Violet felt her heart beat out of her chest as he leaned in to see what she was working on. She felt his chin on her shoulder, asking questions about ‘what that was and what this was’. She gave satisfactory answers for the most part, but she couldn't answer questions all night. His voice sounded off in the distance and she couldn't recognize the words after awhile.

A morbid thought passed her mind: she should have put a Benadryl or one of her sleeping pills into his drink. He would be passed out now and she could stall this for another night.

She froze as she felt him press his lips to her shoulder-blade. Brushing past the nasty, raised scar from the hook. She couldn't hear exactly what he was saying due to not only the rushing of blood in her ears; but that all she heard was Olaf's sneers.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
"I got what I wanted, little orphan bitch.''

"Aren't you glad that your first encounter with a man was me? I would consider yourself very lucky."

"Stop crying. You will thank me one day for this.''

"How would a future husband act knowing that you won't ever experience anything as good as me?"  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Violet raised her shoulder to stop his kisses, pulling away from him slightly. She felt her chest grow heavy as Quigley leaned back in, his arms wrapping around her waist. Trying to pull her away from her task. She felt his kisses against the back of her ear. Violet felt her blood pressure rise, but couldn't find the words to say anything. It wasn't until she heard his whispered "what do you want".....His voice sounding way too similar to Olaf's—-

"I want you to stop touching me."

She gritted through closed teeth. She knew how harsh her words sounded, but she could stop it. Violet couldn't turn to look at the hurt expression she knew was on his face. It would probably be comparable to the time she told him she didn't want children with him. She remembered watching his eyes water and his heart sink to the floor.

His arms unwrapped from around her waist, his body pulling away from hers. Violet could feel the shift of the bed as he physically pulled himself away from her bubble. She could feel the heaviness she pushed onto him with her words, and the embarrassment he felt. He didn't say anything as he grabbed some pajamas for bed. He didn't say anything as he slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. She heard the shower start and that's when she broke down into her hands.

Violet knew how lucky she was. She has her family, she has amazing friends who understood her struggles. And she has someone who loves her beyond comprehension. And yet, she treated him like he was the one who hurt her all that time ago.

All he ever did was love her and she took advantage of that love. She takes and takes the love, but never returned it. He never asked for anything. All he wanted was to love her. And all she gave him in return was heartache.

Realistically, she knew most men would not stay like Quigley did. It wasn't just the sexual denial, but the consistent panic attacks she experienced. The break downs she had on anniversaries of unfortunate events. The anger bursts she had and directed at him. He was always there to hold her when she cried and be her punching bag when she lashed out. Violet did not see him break down. She knew he had his own memories of unfortunate events that he carried, but he never pushed that onto her. She was so lucky and she didn't deserve someone who loved her like he did. 

She twisted her wedding ring around her finger. Two diamonds were on either side of a deep blue sapphire. Her engagement ring band covered in small diamonds. Such a beautiful description of his love for her.

When she heard the door open, she pulled herself together as much as she could. Violet turned her head away as he put his clothes into the hamper. He went back to sorting through the mail, the room much more silent than it was before. All she heard was the tripping of water in the tub and the occasional breath from Quigley.

Her eyes trailed the quilt on their bed, the tears burning. Even though she wasn't making a sound, her shoulders shook. Her body was numb. Her breathing was becoming heavier. It took a few moments before she could feel eyes looking at her. She looked up to see her husband at the edge of the bed, concern on his face.

"Violet, what's wrong?" He asked, keeping his space while still reaching out to help comfort her.

She leaned in and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, crying more freely. She didn't try to be quiet, her lungs feeling the breath run through her body. Not the burning as she tried to swallow down the sadness; not like she usually would. She felt his arms around her high waist, resting her head on his shoulder blade. "I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that--"

"It's true. You never ask for anything. You don't push yourself on me. You don't raise your voice at me. You gave me such a beautiful ring. You have given me such happiness: And I never given you the same." She spoke into his shoulder, her body shaking.

He held her close, rubbing her back slowly. "Don't be upset, darling. You know I love you so much and don't like to see you hurt."

She listened to his heart beat, her eyes closed as she tried to focus on his words. She needed to tell him. He needed to know that he shouldn't blame himself for her pain. She took a deep breath, her breathing shaky as she thought over what she was going to tell him. "The night before that fake wedding to Olaf... He--" she tapped her finger tips against his shirt, trying to will herself to say out loud what she never told anyone. "He raped me. He told me that if I told anyone, he would kill Klaus and Sunny in front of me after the wedding." Her eyes opened and traced the outlines of his bed shirt. She could hear his heart stop for a short moment after she told him.

Violet closed her eyes as she was ready for him to tell her she was damage goods. That she was weak for holding onto to this all these years later. That she was stupid to have this fear now since she watched him die. Instead, she felt his arms squeeze around her a little tighter, pressing his lips to her forehead. "I'm so sorry he did that to you." He told her softly, rubbing her back slowly. She could hear the sadness in his voice, his heart beat rising a little faster. "I'm so sorry."

Violet tightened her grip on him, trying to not cry more. Her temples were pulsating. "You're not disgusted by me?"

"No. I'm disgusted by the piece of shit who raped a teenage girl. Who I can safely say is burning in Hell as we speak. You did nothing wrong. You did not ask nor want that. I would never think that way about you or any other person who was in your place." He assured her, pulling her closer to him.

She raised her eyes to look at him, her chin resting on his chest. "I-I feel like I missed a lot of time being close to you. Because of my fear of how you would see me." She admitted

"There's more to a relationship than sexual intimacy. I love you even through we haven't done that. And we have many more years to do that. When you're comfortable. Or, even if you don't.”

"I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want to have a baby with you."

"That's not important either. Your mental health is what's important to me." He looked back down at her, pressing his lips against her nose. "We'll be fine."

"I feel guilty. I have spent so much time finding ways to get out of being close to you that I wound up hurting you and making you feel responsible. I love you. I don't want you to think you hurt me." She kept his gaze, leaning up to press her lips against his softly. "I am ready to try now."

"You aren't." Quigley said, knowing full well she was just saying that

"It's our wedding night. It is about excitement and pleasure. Being close and making the other feel wanted."

"It is our wedding night, but it's more than that. It's about finally joining our families together and spending the rest of our lives as a unit." He pushed her hair out of her face, rubbing her temple gently. "You need to heal, Violet. You haven't allowed yourself to. And I'm here to help you. We can spend the rest of our lives being physical like that. Now, we need to work on healing." He said, taking her hand and intertwining their fingers.

She rested her head on his chest, letting out a long breath she didn't realize she was holding back. She leaned herself into him, finally feeling like she was at ease.

She watched the lights on the barn moving gently in the wind, twinkling in and out. Her two greatest comforts here with her. 

Her mother didn't tell her a lot of things before her death. She didn't prepare her for life as a woman. But she was fortunate to have found someone who would help her heal after those unfortunate events.


End file.
